Community - Eternal Life Assembly

“Death seemed so much easier” – A story of a coach who struggled through depression to find renewed purpose in Christ

Jireh Tham — Sat, 28 Dec 2024 13:40:44 +0000

TRIGGER WARNING: Mentions of suicide, self-harm

“What’s the point of living when all I’m encountering are dead ends and never-ending challenges?

My name is Lydia, and I’m 30 this year.

Coaching is my passion, and I believe it stems from everything I’ve been through in life.

Growing up, my parents worked tirelessly to provide for the family. Everything my siblings and I needed, they gave to us. Because of that, I grew up believing that if I ever wanted to achieve anything in life, I could do it through my own efforts.

In secondary school, I began seeking the approval and attention of others. My teachers and teammates became the markers of my worth.

I realized that I could earn their respect through achievements. Success became my source of validation. Each validation felt almost like love.

Because of this experience, I developed a core belief: “Do well, be useful, and you will be worthy of love.”

“Do well, be useful, and you will be worthy of love.”

Yet, little did I know that this seemingly simple belief would eventually lead me down a path of self-destruction, since this belief left no room for failure.

I lived life as a teenage girl constantly gripped by the fear of losing my sense of self and self-worth. In class, I pretended to understand everything the teacher was saying because I didn’t want to look foolish.

Before races, I was so overwhelmed with fear and anxiety that I’d put on my shades so no one could see my eyes. I’d cry my way to the start line while everyone else on the shore assumed I was destined to win.

At home, I portrayed myself as the independent child who had everything under control. Since my worth and identity were tied to my achievements and how I believed others perceived me, failure was not an option. Failure would mean becoming a nobody.

When I embraced this belief, my academic results became the be-all and end-all of my existence.

In Junior College, I enrolled via the Direct School Admission (DSA) program through my sport, kayaking. I was constantly surrounded by students who excelled both in sports and academics.

Trying to keep up with them as well as the demands of the national team was exhausting. I buried myself in 11 to 12 training sessions each week. This became my escape from the pain and disappointment of my studies.

Before I knew it, I burned out, and it affected my kayaking performance. I failed to make the cut for the 2011 SEA Games — just one second off.

Unable to process my emotions, I started harming myself. I was trying to numb the pain, but it only deepened my despair. I spiraled so badly that suicidal thoughts consumed me 24/7.

These thoughts eventually drove me to make an attempt on my life. I reached a point of unbearable pain and asked myself, “What’s the point of living when all I’m encountering are dead ends and never-ending challenges? Death seems so much easier.”

“What’s the point of living when all I’m encountering are dead ends and never-ending challenges? Death seems so much easier.”

I attempted to overdose on pure caffeine powder, hoping it would end my life along with the pain.

Yet miraculously, I survived. I woke up in the hospital and saw my parents’ faces filled with heartbreak and misery. Their pain hurt me more deeply than I could have imagined. In that moment, I realized two things:

We don’t get to choose when we leave this world. If it’s not our time and we attempt to go, we’re only left to suffer the consequences of our actions.
I vowed never to do something so impulsive again. If I were to die by suicide, I’d be gone, but my family and friends would be the ones left to suffer.

But knowing these didn’t make the depression go away. I still held on to the false belief that I needed to earn the approval of others, and this belief kept me in darkness. I couldn’t break free. All I could do was try my best to hold on.

Some years later, after graduating from Junior College (JC), a few old friends reached out to me and offered to walk with me.

One friend in particular told me, “I feel it in my heart that God wants me to bring you back.” Another friend asked, “Since you’ve tried everything else, why not give God one more chance?”

I had previously attended church regularly during my JC years after being invited by some friends. But at that time, I didn’t consider myself a Christian. God was simply an item on my calendar. With nothing to lose, I decided to give God one more shot.

With nothing to lose, I decided to give God one more shot.

These precious friends walked with me, prayed with me, and patiently answered every single question I had. I knew that whatever they did for me was more than just words.

I felt so deeply cared for. Through them, I experienced God’s unconditional love. It was this love that helped me keep fighting through recurrent depressive episodes.

All seemed well until an event in December 2022 left me in deep depression. I had a fallout with someone very close to me, and it completely shattered me.

Within the span of two months, I attempted to take my life three times by jumping off a HDB* flat. The pain was so unbearable that I’d forgotten the vow I’d made. I just wanted the pain to end.

*HDB – Housing and Development Board (HDB) is the national public housing authority of Singapore that houses approximately 77.8% of Singaporeans (Source: Singstat 2023).

But then something unexpected happened on the third occasion. I stood on the 40th floor, looking toward the horizon one last time. Then I heard a voice — God’s voice. I was ready to jump, so I knew it couldn’t have been my own voice. The voice said:

“Child, I know what you’re thinking. Honestly, there’s no one to stop you right now. But you will have to face the consequences of your actions. Your family, your friends — think about them again.

Think about what they went through in 2015. Is that what you want them to experience for the rest of their lives? You’ve tried so long and hard.

If you jump now, I can’t use your life to show others that there’s hope in living. I know it’s hard, but can you give yourself one more chance? Trust me, I will help you.”

With that, I decided to entrust my life to God. I stepped away from the ledge in tears before I could change my mind. I took the lift down, ran to my bike, and called Pastor Daphne.

She picked up right away. Like before, she stayed with me on the phone for as long as I needed. She listened as I cried. She prayed as I cried. She stayed calm.

I choked on my words, telling her I couldn’t do this anymore, that I wanted to die. But she kept telling me it was okay, that God was in control, and that she was with me. She reminded me over and over how much God loves me.

If God hadn’t sent someone like Pastor Daphne into my life, I wouldn’t be here sharing my story today. This incident made me realize how closely I’d walked with death.

This incident made me realize how closely I’d walked with death.

I knew that God would help me, but I also had to help myself. So I made a pact with myself:

Suicide will no longer be my first option. If I’m struggling, I will seek help. I’ll call or text my friends, or anyone God has placed in my life.
I will live through the darkest night. If I’m unable to help myself, that’s okay. But I will not harm myself. I’ll stay in bed until I’m ready to move around without harming myself.

This pact marked the beginning of my healing. I sought therapy and inner healing courses to process my pain.

Community played a key role in my healing too. When I went to Eternal Life Assembly, God brought me into a new community called the Sycamore Life Group.

They are filled with crazy, fun-loving people who are always full of joy and laughter. They provided me with continuous prayer support, and people like Ps Daphne, Mei Yun, and Ying Ting continually journeyed with me and prayed for me through my ups and downs.

Through this journey, I’ve come to know God as the builder of my life. He’s the one who takes away the old parts of the house — the destructive patterns and harmful thoughts that dictated my life — patterns I thought would never go away. Over time, these thoughts grew smaller and became more under control.

He’s the one who takes away the old parts of the house — the destructive patterns and harmful thoughts that dictated my life — patterns I thought would never go away.

Not only that, but God also continues to add new bricks to my house. Day by day, He adds these bricks by speaking to me whenever I read the Bible, pray, or listen to worship songs. He tells me that He loves me very, very much — unconditionally.

Believing in God doesn’t take away all my problems and pain. But believing in God gives me the courage and the strength to face them. In the midst of my suffering and pain, I know God is here with me.

In the past, whenever I thought about my future, I would be filled with suicidal thoughts and fear. But now, because I know He is with me, I can have hope for the future.

Life is not perfect. I still have moments when my suicidal thoughts return, and that’s okay. I know I’m still a work in progress, and God is still building this new house.

I used to despise having to manage the challenges of borderline personality disorder, major depressive disorder, and ADHD. But now, they have become a part of me. They serve as a testament to the grace that God gives me to live each day.

Friends, if you’re having a tough time, I want to encourage you: Stay alive. Every single day that we live is a gift from God. No matter how hopeless things seem today, they will not be the same tomorrow.

So, back to the question that I’ve always asked myself: What’s the point of living when life is filled with dead ends and never-ending challenges?

This is my answer: I live for the One who created me, and I depend on the One who loves me.

I live for the One who created me, and I depend on the One who loves me.

Death may seem like a much easier choice, but death will not end the pain. Death will only transfer the pain to our loved ones.

So fight on. Fight to live on. Use all your energy to cling to God. His love will never fail us. He will not guarantee that our life will be without pain and suffering, but He will definitely be with us every step of the way, through our highs and lows.

So rely on the people around you. Together, you will be able to see that there is purpose, and there is hope, even in your suffering.

The post “Death seemed so much easier” – A story of a coach who struggled through depression to find renewed purpose in Christ first appeared on Eternal Life Assembly.

“The Power of Intergenerational Outreach” – Never too young nor too old to be a community of love and impact

Joyce Tham — Sun, 14 Apr 2024 03:20:00 +0000

A cosy pavilion brimmed with fairy lights, lanterns, and streamers as one pair of intergen life groups (LGs) welcomed about 20 residents to their Chinese New Year block party.

Following the successful Christmas block party organised by Safe Haven LG last December 2023, Safe Haven partnered with their fellow intergen LG, Blessings, to organise a Chinese New Year block party as a follow-up with the residents.

“The last round, we had some older folks. When it was just our LG [hosting the party], it was a bit difficult to engage them,” recalled Safe Haven’s co-cell leader, Yong Chian.

“It’s exciting that somebody organises such parties for residents. I think it’s a good idea; at least people know there is a LG in Telok Blangah area,” commented Panny, the leader of Blessings LG.

Initially, some of her LG members had difficulty seeing the purpose of having the intergen cell group. This started to change as members of both LGs bonded together through the collective preparation and evangelism efforts.

Preparations started with prayers and brochure distribution. Their faith was challenged when there were only a few sign-ups. The waiting game seemed forever.

There were questions if the correct date or timing was picked for the party. But with persistent prayers, more sign-ups streamed in, with most attending the party for the first time!

Initiating conversations does not come naturally to everyone. To equip members with the confidence to strike up conversations, Safe Haven conducted a mini role-play to share handles and to practise holding conversations with different profiles of people.

The profiles included gender, age, marital status, number of children, etc. Members then gave feedback to one another on how the conversations went and shared ways for improvement.

During the party, members mingled with and befriended the residents. “We saw a lot more conversations going on. People are not just standing alone or with people they are comfortable with,” recounted Safe Haven’s co-cell leader, Brenda.

“I was afraid to approach the residents as I didn’t feel confident carrying on conversations,” shared Joyce, a young adult member from Safe Haven.

“But this was an opportunity to share God’s love. Hence, I plucked up my courage and paired up with another life group member to speak with one resident with 2 young children. My partner and I took turns to converse with the resident and we learned more about her and her family. I was glad I took that first step to connect with her.”

Another member from Blessings life group, Judy, initially felt apprehensive, “When I heard about the outreach, my first reaction was to find an excuse not to attend. I am an introvert. I don’t like to socialise, entertain, or be involved in big gatherings. But I decided to attend to support my LG leader.”

At the party, she noticed a lady in her 60s. Remembering that the objective was to reach out, she walked over and began talking with the lady. “I shared that I am from Eternal Life Assembly (EL) and that we hoped to get to know the residents at Telok Blangah,” recalled Judy.

“I noticed a hump on her back and asked if I could pray for her. That opened an opportunity to share about EL’s Healing Room Ministry. As a volunteer serving in this ministry, I have seen several healings and I am glad that I was able to share testimonies to encourage her.

In the past, I would not know how to approach and talk to people, let alone share about God. I am thankful that God is using me in the Healing Ministry.”

The night ended with the residents receiving door gifts packed in the church’s red packets. It was a meaningful night of connecting with the residents. Now, the intergen LGs look forward to having more touchpoints with the residents in the future!

“An outreach should have some form of follow-up. It’s not a touch-and-go thing. We are there to know people and bring them in. The only way to do that is to form a relationship,” chimed in Brenda.

This intergenerational effort has proven that age is and never will be a barrier. Everyone can and has a role to play in sowing for breakthroughs in evangelism as long as we are willing to.

“Just start small, start simple. Then grow from there,” said Yong Chian. “We just have to start somewhere and the best time is now,” concluded Brenda.

The post “The Power of Intergenerational Outreach” – Never too young nor too old to be a community of love and impact first appeared on Eternal Life Assembly.

“It takes a kampong to reach a kampong” – How 30 neighbours heard the Gospel for the first time

Grace Tham — Tue, 16 Jan 2024 15:46:00 +0000

Brenda and Yong Chian have been residing in Telok Blangah for the last 5 years. They also have a cute Singapore Special dog, Belle, whom they bring out for night walks. Upon meeting other dog owners during these walks, the couple got to know many neighbours in their block.

“Yong Chian and I have been living in this flat for 5 years, and there’ve been neighbours that we’ve tried inviting for church events, but it never got through to them. It was just too ‘churchy’,” Brenda mentioned.

As it’s always been the couple’s desire to reach out, they would occasionally invite their neighbours to church events. This included Ladies Fellowship or musicals – but to no avail. With much effort and no breakthrough, the couple were discouraged at times.

When the opportunity arose to go door to door during Good Neighbour Day*, Brenda suggested to her Life Group (LG) to give the mugs to her neighbours. Bringing the church right to the doorstep of her neighbours would be a new way to reach out to them. Moreover, the LG gatherings were at Yong Chian and Brenda’s house every Friday, and there was no better place than the block to start their outreach.

Everyone was agreeable, and the LG didn’t stop there. They agreed that reaching out should not be a one-time project. “We want to do outreach with a follow-up, and a Christmas Party would be a good platform to keep in touch with our neighbours,” shared Joyce Tham, an LG member. Hence, the idea for a Block Christmas Party was birthed.

The planning of course came with some doubts

The planning of course came with some doubts. “My LG members were initially a bit hesitant if we could pull it off or have the attendance we were hoping for,” Brenda commented.

Different members played to their strengths – some took charge of decorations, others anchored the games and others hospitality. The LG continued to pray for God’s hand to be upon the party.

The entire planning process culminated on 22 December. Safe Haven transformed their neighbourhood pavilion into a Christmas wonderland. 30 neighbours came! Some of them were invited by the LG and some simply walked into the festivities. The gathering was filled with great food, fun games, and even a special moment where an LG member, Ryan, shared his testimony of God’s goodness and faithfulness.

The lively and enjoyable moment gave everyone a time full of laughter, joy and bonding. One neighbour, touched by the experience, expressed her keen interest in visiting the church with her that week.

”It was very heartening to see the LG coming together to organise this party. Everyone enjoyed themselves, and many neighbours asked when the next community event would be.”

The Block Christmas Party was no doubt a success, bringing joy and creating new bonds. With its success, Safe Haven is currently planning to organise another gathering for Chinese New Year, along with their inter-gen LG.

“It takes a kampong to reach a kampong”

“It takes a kampong to reach a kampong,” Brenda commented, “Reaching out to non-believers should be the heartbeat of every LG.”

When the couple was doing it alone, it was difficult to reach out to their neighbours. But when the LG came together to organise a party in the comfort of their neighbourhood, people came.

LGs are not only a platform where we fellowship and feel comfortable, but a place where we can spur each other to live out Matthew 28:19-20 and to make disciples of all nations. Safe Haven’s experience has shown us that, it is easier to toil together in unity for His kingdom than to do it alone.

Discipleship can’t just be read, it has to be done”

Discipleship can’t just be read, it has to be done,” Brenda commented, “Same with evangelism, we just have to do it. It is normal to be anxious, but the more we do and practise, the easier these skills become.”

Practising discipleship is easier when done together as an LG. We can find strength in unity. “Doing” discipleship isn’t just an individual pursuit, but a shared experience. We can walk alongside each other and offer mutual encouragement and support.

As Eternal Life Assembly embarks on the Year of Discipleship, it’s time to start living Christ in our everyday lives. As an LG, how would we act differently this year? How can we be more intentional in living Christ? And even as a member of an LG, can I influence my LG to live Christ this year?

*Good Neighbour Day Project: A church-wide evangelistic initiative where Life Groups in EL will approach their friends/neighbours to give them a mug.

The post “It takes a kampong to reach a kampong” – How 30 neighbours heard the Gospel for the first time first appeared on Eternal Life Assembly.