“Follow Jesus till the end of your life.”
These were the words of my mum to her three children. But when she passed away unexpectedly from cancer at the age of 46, it was too huge a blow to us.
My mother had worked hard, working three jobs at one time, to support our family since we were young, as our father had stopped working for many years due to his illness.
I was angry with God. Why didn’t He answer my repeated prayers to heal Mum? Why did He take her away from us at such a young age?
I was angry with God. Why didn’t He answer my repeated prayers to heal Mum? Why did He take her away from us at such a young age?
Victor, my older brother, wrestled with grief and regret over our mother’s sudden passing. He had plans to visit her in the afternoon after booking out of camp.
However, before my brother could even make it to her, my mother breathed her last that very morning.
Sadness and grief consumed us. We struggled to face God. Staying in church was hard, and following Jesus was even harder. Eventually, we stopped attending church and lived our lives away from God.
Acquiring wealth and material possessions became my focus. I even went to temples to seek out amulets that offered good fortune and protection from evil spirits.
Despite everything I tried to do, the pain of losing mum didn’t go away. I took up drinking and Victor often accompanied me, getting drunk together to numb ourselves from the pain of losing our mother.
During these tumultuous ten years since my mother passed, I encountered more frequent episodes of sleep paralysis at night. In these dreadful episodes, I would experience such a strong oppression that it felt like my life was in danger.
On one occasion, I had so much difficulty breathing that I could not speak or move. Worst still, I heard menacing sounds of evil laughter all around me.
In sheer desperation, I called on the name of Jesus and immediately, the sleep paralysis disappeared. After years of disrupted sleep, I finally experienced peace, and my sleep started improving.
Could Jesus still care for me after I turned away from Him?
Could Jesus still care for me after I turned away from Him?
After this episode, there was a repeated tugging in my heart to go back to church. I was hesitant, thinking how unworthy I am for turning my back on God. But that gentle, persistent call from God could not be ignored. I finally mustered the courage to step into church again.
When I stepped into church, I was met with warm smiles and the welcome of church members, ebbing away any concerns of rejection or condemnation. It was as if I was back home.
It was as if I was back home.
Subsequently, I attended a church camp. I will never forget the day God did a deep work of restoration. As I responded to the altar call, God told me that He had been waiting for me all this while.
Overwhelmed by His love and affirmation, all the anger and bitterness that had plagued me all these years instantly vanished. It was like a weight lifted off my chest – I felt free.
From that day onwards, I committed to rebuilding my relationship with God, reading the Bible, and praying daily.
God began His transformative work in my life and provided a community of believers in church to support and encourage me as I turned away from my previous lifestyle and habits.
Despite how far I had strayed, God’s unconditional love found me and set me free from all the anger, bitterness, and grief that had built up over so many years.
Since then, I started serving in the music ministry and began learning to play the guitar so that it could be used to serve Him.
It was my late mother’s wish for us to follow Jesus until the end of our lives. This wish has now become my own desire. Following Jesus is not just something my mother wished for over me, it’s something that I now want to do.
It was my late mother’s wish for us to follow Jesus until the end of our lives. This wish has now become my own desire. Following Jesus is not just something my mother wished for over me, it’s something that I now want to do.
God didn’t just work in my life. He was also working in Victor’s heart as well. A Christian colleague in the army often brought him devotional materials to read and Victor would read them during his free time.
There were also times when Victor would pop by into church to find peace. Despite this, he would wrestle with God each time he recalled how Mum said, “With God, nothing is impossible”, yet she never got well, and he never got to say goodbye.
During one of the occasional visits to Eternal Life Assembly, he was urged by the pastor to attend the church camp, which he did.
At the camp, God met Victor at the altar call, and he too experienced the miraculous setting free from the years of anger, grief and sadness that he had been carrying.
Today Victor had found new joy and purpose in serving God. He serves God full-time as a facilities staff and always testifies of how God has answered Mum’s prayer of taking care of him. In his words, “God has answered her prayer, in His way and in His time.”
“God has answered her prayer, in His way and in His time.”
Following Jesus doesn’t mean life will be without trouble. Mum knew that for sure. But when she told us to ‘follow Him till the end of our lives’, I guess it meant holding on to Jesus despite life’s challenges, just as she did.
Do I still face challenges today? Definitely, but amidst those challenges, I know that Jesus is with me every step of the way.
No matter how far we’ve strayed, God is always there, ready to lift us up and bring us back into His arms.
He forgives our mistakes, enables us to overcome our fears, and empowers us to conquer the challenges we face.
God turns our darkest moments into beacons of hope for others. He did that for me and Victor. He never forgot us. He remembers you too.
Can you see God in your story?
